Frequently Asked Questions
We understand that the decision to euthanize your pet is a difficult one, and we are here to answer any questions you may have. Our FAQs are formulated to cover what happens before, during, and after the euthanasia process. Please do not hesitate to contact us with any additional questions or concerns.
How will I know when the right time is?
Every pet and family is different, and there could be several health concerns driving you to seek euthanasia for your loved one. It is important to understand that a pet may show pain or distress in many ways. For example, if a pet is having significant mobility issues, difficulty breathing, declining food for multiple meals in a row, or refusing to spend any time with the family, this could indicate a substantial decrease in the pet’s quality of life. Our veterinarians are here to take the time to help families understand and navigate these conditions and expectations around their pet’s care. We offer in-home consultations to guide your family through this momentous time in your pet’s life.
Why is an in-home euthanasia an easier option than a hospital euthanasia?
When the time comes to make the difficult decision to euthanize a pet, there are often associated stressors that can be avoided when a pet is able to remain in a familiar and comfortable space. Concerns include anxiety from visiting the animal hospital as there are a multitude of unfamiliar smells and sounds and the pet could associate the building with previous visits. A pet could suffer from significant mobility issues or having increased nausea or upset stomach whereas traveling in a car can certainly exacerbate that discomfort. Choosing an in-home euthanasia also allows family members, including children and other pets, to be present in larger spaces. We specialize specifically in these visits, and we are dedicated to offering the time your family needs while preserving your loved one’s dignity and peace as much as possible. Your home can be a beautiful place to create loving memories with your pet at the end of their life.
No, our veterinarian will take the time to get to know you and your pet with conversation and through their physical examination. This is to reassure the decision to euthanize is best for everyone. You are your pet’s best advocate, and we are there to support your family in offering this final gift to your loved one.
Do I have to schedule an appointment with the veterinarian before I can make a euthanasia appointment?
When should I make an appointment? Can I make a same day appointment?
It can be difficult to take the next step for your pet when it comes to providing humane euthanasia, and it is common in the veterinary field to urgently need our specific services. We attempt to accommodate your family’s needs as best we can if the same day is requested or necessary for your pet’s condition. If there are any questions about your pet’s current condition or if timing is difficult to discern, you can always schedule a Quality of Life Consultation for an In-Home Assessment. At that time, the veterinarian will work through your loved one’s health concerns and the needs of both the patient and family. If euthanasia is the right choice for everyone, our euthanasia service could be provided at that time. We hope to help any family in need as quickly as possible.
Are there any special preparations we should make at home prior to the appointment?
For both Quality of Life Assessment and End-of-Life services, it is important to consider spaces that are comfortable for your pet and the family to gather. The veterinarian will need to perform an examination but can adapt easily to most environments. Finding a comfortable space during discussion and/or euthanasia services is important as you want to be able to take as much time as needed.
For euthanasia services, consider spaces in the home or outside where you can make this a beautiful memory. Your family may choose your loved one’s special place in the yard or a favorite room in the house. You will just want to be comfortable with the decision that this space can hold this special time. Some families choose to have special music played, poems read, prayers said, or specific scents or candles involved. In addition, consider silencing home phones and putting cell phones away unless being used for pictures, video, or specific family communication.
Should my children be present?
Every family is different, and it needs to be the parent’s or guardian’s decision to have children present. Children may even ask to be present, and most of the time, it would be an appropriate consideration. Clear and honest communication, adapted to that child’s developmental level, of what is happening to their pet is important. Try to avoid phrases such as, “putting to sleep” or “passing on” with children, as this can add confusion of the unknown. Small children may be OK to be present as they can add comfort for others; however, consider an activity or coloring book to help prevent significant distraction. Do not hesitate to ask us for specific book recommendations. Our veterinary team is more than willing to offer guidance and are trained to speak with all members of the family.
I have other pets. Do you recommend they be present?
I have other pets. Do you recommend they be present?
There is evidence that other pets benefit from being present during a housemate’s euthanasia, as it can offer clear closure and help with their grieving process, as well. You may even recognize that the other pet’s grieving process begins prior to any appointment, as interactions and dynamics can change when a pet is coming to the end of their life. It is important to consider, however, if they will be a distraction to the family, veterinarian, or patient. Our main goal is to serve our patient and their family. Overly energetic, anxious, or even aggressive pets may greatly affect how we can best help our patient and their family at an extremely delicate time.
We understand it can be difficult to coordinate the presence of everyone in the family, and waiting is not always the best for your pet if they are in pain or distress. Video chat has become a popular way of still sharing the experience with others. Some people may choose to record videos or audio messages to be played at the right time for the rest of the family and pet. In addition, family members who are physically present may choose to video or take pictures to best memorialize the experience for others.
What if I have family members that cannot be there?
We understand it can be difficult to coordinate the presence of everyone in the family, and waiting is not always the best for your pet if they are in pain or distress. Video chat has become a popular way of still sharing the experience with others. Some people may choose to record videos or audio messages to be played at the right time for the rest of the family and pet. In addition, family members who are physically present may choose to video or take pictures to best memorialize the experience for others.
We welcome families to spend time with their loved one during the entire euthanasia process, and we design our visit to best accommodate families. Time with your pet is precious, and we have no desire to interfere with that. On the other hand, not every family member may want to be present for every step. If that is the case, please voice your concerns or needs on the phone or at the appointment with the veterinarian.
Can I be with my pet for the entire process?
We welcome families to spend time with their loved one during the entire euthanasia process, and we design our visit to best accommodate families. Time with your pet is precious, and we have no desire to interfere with that. On the other hand, not every family member may want to be present for every step. If that is the case, please voice your concerns or needs on the phone or at the appointment with the veterinarian.
How long does euthanasia take?
A euthanasia appointment will take anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour. The veterinarian will take their time with your loved one, discuss any questions and walk through the process of euthanasia with the family. Depending on what your pet needs to ensure comfort during the euthanasia, the actual process may only take 10 to 15 minutes.
A euthanasia appointment will take anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour. The veterinarian will take their time with your loved one, discuss any questions and walk through the process of euthanasia with the family. Depending on what your pet needs to ensure comfort during the euthanasia, the actual process may only take 10 to 15 minutes.
How are charges determined?
Euthanasia appointments and Quality of Life assessments are designed to offer the appropriate amount of time for your family. Both of these services are $450. Aftercare for your beloved pet’s body includes a private cremation, wooden urn, unique pawprint, fur clipping, certificate of cremation for $200. If a home burial is appropriate for your area and you desire to leave the aftercare to your family, there is no additional charge.
Please note there may be an additional travel fee for locations outside of the designated Lakeland service area.
Euthanasia appointments and Quality of Life Assessments are designed to offer the appropriate amount of time for your family. Both of these services are $450. Aftercare for your beloved pet’s body includes a private cremation, wooden urn, unique pawprint, fur clipping, certificate of cremation for $200. If a home burial is appropriate for your area and you desire to leave the aftercare to your family, there is no additional charge.
Please note there may be an additional travel fee for locations outside of the designated Lakeland service area.
What are my payment options?
Most families choose to finalize payment prior to the veterinarian coming to their house so they may focus completely on their loved one and be fully present for their appointment. We encourage this option even if additional decisions have not been made, such as aftercare or moving forward with euthanasia. We can adjust any additional requests during the appointment, if necessary, and it is easier for you to move through payment if the process has already been initiated.
That said, we also offer finalizing payment during the veterinarian’s visit, and full payment can be made at your home.
Most families choose to finalize payment prior to the veterinarian coming to their house so they may focus completely on their loved one and be fully present for their appointment. We encourage this option even if additional decisions have not been made, such as aftercare or moving forward with euthanasia. We can adjust any additional requests during the appointment, if necessary, and it is easier for you to move through payment if the process has already been initiated.
That said, we also offer finalizing payment during the veterinarian’s visit, and full payment can be made at your home.
What if my pet passes in the middle of the night or before the euthanasia?
Unfortunately, we can never predict when a pet is going to pass. If they happen to die in the middle of the night or before your scheduled appointment, please reach out and let us know how we can support you. There are no fees associated with this specific cancellation. If your scheduled visit was paid for in advance, a refund will be processed. If you desire to continue your loved one’s body- and aftercare through us, we will be able to transport your pet for just the cremation service fee(s). There is also a possibility to reach out directly to the cremation service for an at-home visit to transport your pet.
Unfortunately, we can never predict when a pet is going to pass. If they happen to die in the middle of the night or before you scheduled appointment, please reach out and let us know how we can support you. There are no fees associated with this specific cancellation. If your scheduled visit was paid for in advance, a refund will be processed. If you desire to continue your loved one's body- and aftercare through us, we will be able to transport your pet for just the cremation service fee(s). There is also a possibility to reach out directly to the cremation service for an at-home visit to transport your pet.
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What forms of payment do you accept?
We accept all major credit cards.
We accept all major credit cards.
What can I do overnight if my pet declines and my appointment is not scheduled until the next day?
Sometimes, a pet declines too quickly and needs services overnight. We understand your desire to create a loving memory in your pet’s home; however, it may not be in the best interest of your pet or family to wait. If your pet is having a health crisis or is in any sudden increased pain or distress, it is wise to seek out emergency services. At this time, we do not offer any overnight appointments.
Sometimes, a pet declines too quickly and needs services overnight. We understand your desire to create a loving memory in your pet’s home; however, it may not be in the best interest of your pet or family to wait. If your pet is having a health crisis or is in any sudden increased pain or distress, it is wise to seek out emergency services. At this time, we do not offer any overnight appointments.
How do we care for my pet’s body (aftercare) once they pass?
“Aftercare” encompasses the different ways in which a pet’s body can be cared for after euthanasia. If you are unfamiliar with options or undecided about your pet’s aftercare, we recommend cremation services and offer to coordinate that for you with our trusted crematory partner. To preserve the dignity of your loved one, we only offer private cremation.
Private cremation offers that your pet is completely separated from others and your loved one’s cremains (ashes) are returned to you in a tasteful wooden urn. If you choose not to receive your pet’s cremains, they will be spread lovingly with other pets at an off-site location.
If your family would like to keep your pet's body for home or property burial, this is an additional option. You will need to ensure that it is an appropriate option for your area or city you live in. Euthanasia services use medications that can be detrimental to the environment, and we want to be responsible stewards. If a home burial is desired, another option would be to consider private cremation and to honor their remains with a burial service at the time of return.
Any other desired aftercare of your loved one's body would need to be coordinated by the family.
“Aftercare” encompasses the different ways in which a pet’s body can be cared for after euthanasia. If you are unfamiliar with options or undecided about your pet’s aftercare, we recommend cremation services and offer to coordinate that for you with our trusted crematory partner. To preserve the dignity of your loved one, we only offer private cremation.
Private cremation offers that your pet is completely separated from others and your loved one’s cremains (ashes) are returned to you in a tasteful wooden urn. If you choose not to receive your pet’s cremains, they will be spread lovingly with other pets at an off-site location.
If your family would like to keep your pet's body for home or property burial, this is an additional option. You will need to ensure that it is an appropriate option for your area or city you live in. Euthanasia services use medications that can be detrimental to the environment, and we want to be responsible stewards. If a home burial is desired, another option would be to consider private cremation and to honor their remains with a burial service at the time of return.
Any other desired aftercare of your loved one's body would need to be coordinated by the family.
How can I continue to honor our friend’s life and memorialize the bond we shared?
Losing a loved one is difficult whether it was expected with the ability to plan or due to sudden illness. Either way, we want to be able to share and celebrate their life for what it has meant to a family. Our pets are part of our family, and we want to ensure our bond with them is not forgotten. Every family is different in how they feel it best to memorialize their sweet pet. Celebration of life services and anniversary gatherings are common to keep their memories alive. Obituaries can be submitted to memorial pages in the newspapers or websites. Artistic works of a pet or pawprint displays are beautiful ways to display memories in a family’s home as well. Making a donation in the pet’s name is also a wonderful way to honor your bond and “pay it forward” in a specifically unique way.
Losing a loved one is difficult whether it was expected with the ability to plan or due to sudden illness. Either way, we want to be able to share and celebrate their life for what it has meant to a family. Our pets are part of our family, and we want to ensure our bond with them is not forgotten. Every family is different in how they feel it best to memorialize their sweet pet. Celebration of life services and anniversary gatherings are common to keep their memories alive. Obituaries can be submitted to memorial pages in the newspapers or websites. Artistic works of a pet or pawprint displays are beautiful ways to display memories in a family’s home as well. Making a donation in the pet’s name is also a wonderful way to honor your bond and “pay it forward” in a specifically unique way.
How do I know I am receiving my pet’s ashes back?
We are confident that the cremains you received belong to your loved one. EverLoved only partners with trusted local crematories that meet IAOPCC standards for operating pet aftercare memorial centers. Our team visits these facilities personally and frequently to ensure that all deceased pets are treated with dignity throughout the process. Additionally, the crematory has an identification process that originates with our veterinary team and tracks your pet through the entire cremation process, which includes all written instructions for aftercare. This tagging system provides transparency and accountability to our families.
How do I know I am receiving my pet’s ashes back?
We are confident that the cremains you received belong to your loved one. EverLoved only partners with trusted local crematories that meet IAOPCC standards for operating pet aftercare memorial centers. Our team visits these facilities personally and frequently to ensure that all deceased pets are treated with dignity throughout the process. Additionally, the crematory has an identification process that originates with our veterinary team and tracks your pet through the entire cremation process, which includes all written instructions for aftercare. This tagging system provides transparency and accountability to our families.
What is and how do I request a free consultation?
A consultation with our veterinary paraprofessional care team is to learn more about how your pet is currently doing and to help guide and support you, as you navigate this tough choice for your pet. We will connect you with one of our trusted Veterinarians, who will assess your loved one’s quality of life and work with your family to determine whether to pursue hospice care with your family veterinarian or euthanasia at-home.
You can request a free consultation by calling our Care Team directly at 863.225.4263. Or, you can complete our consultation form online, and we will call you back to discuss your pet and potentially schedule an in-home appointment.
We are excited to open to a full schedule of 6 days per week in the coming months. For now, we are offering our services on Wednesday and Saturdays from 9AM – 6PM. However, you can communicate with us via website, email, or phone on Monday – Saturday, 8AM – 5PM.
A consultation with our veterinary paraprofessional care team is to learn more about how your pet is currently doing and to help guide and support you, as you navigate this tough choice for your pet. We will connect you with one of our trusted Veterinarians, who will assess your loved one’s quality of life and work with your family to determine whether to pursue hospice care with your family veterinarian or euthanasia at-home.
You can request a free consultation by calling our Care Team directly at 863.225.4263. Or, you can complete our consultation form online, and we will call you back to discuss your pet and potentially schedule an in-home appointment.
How do I cope with the loss of my pet? Do you offer any grief support?
Anyone who sees their pet as a best friend, loyal companion or family member understands the pain, range of emotions and difficulty of that loss.
EverLoved is honored to provide complimentary online grief support group sessions conducted by licensed clinical and veterinary social worker, Francesca Tocco, LCSW,LMSW-C. These sessions are held bi-weekly, on Tuesdays (5-6PM) and Thursdays (12-1PM). This service is offered to our clients as well as to the Lakeland community at large. To register for one of these pet loss support sessions,
EverLoved also provides written grief support resources and access to other in-person services to support all members of the family, at all stages of their grief.
Anyone who sees their pet as a best friend, loyal companion or family member understands the pain, range of emotions and difficulty of that loss.
EverLoved is honored to provide complimentary online grief support group sessions conducted by licensed clinical and veterinary social worker, Francesca Tocco, LCSW,LMSW-C. These sessions are held bi-weekly, on Tuesdays (5-6PM) and Thursdays (12-1PM). This service is offered to our clients as well as to the Lakeland community at large. To register for one of these pet loss support sessions,
EverLoved also provides written grief support resources and access to other in-person services to support all members of the family, at all stages of their grief.
What can I expect from my children when it comes to the loss of our pet?)
In many households, children have an extra special bond with their companion animals. They often see themselves as the guardians and best friends of their pets. Broadly, the response and understanding for a child to the chronic illness and death of a loved one depends on 2 categories: chronological age of the child and developmental age. A child’s understanding of death changes as they mature both their understanding of the concept and permeance of death, and their response to grief and the accompanying emotions, these will morph as they age.
A few tips:
- It helps to allow our children to see our own big emotions and how we process them. While it can be hard to feel vulnerable and exposed to those who are dependent on us, they are learning what it means to grieve and work through big feelings
- Be honest. Patiently answer questions they ask. Provide access to the veterinarian for medical related questions. The younger the child, the simpler the answer will be. Avoid confusing medical terminology.
- Be clear. Remember that children are trying to connect dots in their own lives. For example, say the full name of the cancer the pet is diagnosed with.
In many households, children have an extra special bond with their companion animals. They often see themselves as the guardians and best friends of their pets. Broadly, the response and understanding for a child to the chronic illness and death of a loved one depends on 2 categories: chronological age of the child and developmental age. A child’s understanding of death changes as they mature both their understanding of the concept and permeance of death, and their response to grief and the accompanying emotions, these will morph as they age.
A few tips:
- It helps to allow our children to see our own big emotions and how we process them. While it can be hard to feel vulnerable and exposed to those who are dependent on us, they are learning what it means to grieve and work through big feelings.
- Be honest. Patiently answer questions they ask. Provide access to the veterinarian for medical related questions. The younger the child, the simpler the answer will be. Avoid confusing medical terminology.
- Be clear. Remember that children are trying to connect dots in their own lives. For example, say the full name of the cancer the pet is diagnosed with.
Should I be concerned for my other pets after a loss?
Should I be concerned for my other pets after a loss?
This is a common question we are asked about. The responses of packmates to the death and disappearance can be varied, just as human responses are varied. A great deal can depend on the role your dearly departed played within the pack. If they were the alpha then there will be a reshuffling of roles and responsibilities within their unit. For example, who gives the first security bark when the doorbell rings? Who gets to greet newcomers to the household? Who will now get the prime sleeping location on the couch?
Pay close attention to your remaining pets. If you notice a lack of appetite, decreased energy, lethargy, hesitation to do the things that brought them joy, talk to your general practice veterinarian for thoughts and opinions on if your current pack should be evaluated.
This is a common question we are asked about. The responses of packmates to the death and disappearance can be varied, just as human responses are varied. A great deal can depend on the role your dearly departed played within the pack. If they were the alpha then there will be a reshuffling of roles and responsibilities within their unit. For example, who gives the first security bark when the doorbell rings? Who gets to greet newcomers to the household? Who will now get the prime sleeping location on the couch?
Pay close attention to your remaining pets. If you notice a lack of appetite, decreased energy, lethargy, hesitation to do the things that brought them joy, talk to your general practice veterinarian for thoughts and opinions on if your current pack should be evaluated.
Are feelings of loss and anxiety normal before we’ve even lost our pet?
Anticipatory grief tends to sneak up on us. It typically occurs after the initial shock of an unexpected diagnosis, discussions with medical team members around treatment options or comfort care, and after discussions with family members and friends. This is when we finally allow our brains to wonder and arrive at the realization that this is our faithful companion’s final everything- holidays, celebrations, season(s), quiet bonding moments.This tends to be a powerful set of thoughts and a real phenomenon. Acknowledge when you feel these thoughts surface. Try to make plans for in-the- moment or not too distant future. Make more memories and take time to talk to them and thank them for their unconditional love.
Are feelings of loss and anxiety normal before we’ve even lost our pet?
Anticipatory grief tends to sneak up on us. It typically occurs after the initial shock of an unexpected diagnosis, discussions with medical team members around treatment options or comfort care, and after discussions with family members and friends. This is when we finally allow our brains to wonder and arrive at the realization that this is our faithful companion’s final everything- holidays, celebrations, season(s), quiet bonding moments. This tends to be a powerful set of thoughts and a real phenomenon. Acknowledge when you feel these thoughts surface. Try to make plans for in-the- moment or not too distant future. Make more memories and take time to talk to them and thank them for their unconditional love.
How can I provide positive end of life experiences, or bucket list?
End of life activities can be tailored to the abilities of your loved one. Start by making a list of their favorite things, gather input from humans that are important to them, and bring several (or all) of the ideas to fruition. Scheduling a ‘senior’ photo shoot, taking a trip to their favorite park (even if they are riding in a wagon), setting up a snack bar with their favorite treats, and watching a movie together are just a few suggestions. Try not to put a large amount of pressure on yourself to fulfill every item on the list. The goal is to make more memories while keeping your pet happy and comfortable.
How can I provide positive end of life experiences, or bucket list?
End-of-life activities can be tailored to the abilities of your loved one. Start by making a list of their favorite things, gather input from humans that are important to them, and bring several (or all) of the ideas to fruition. Scheduling a ‘senior’ photo shoot, taking a trip to their favorite park (even if they are riding in a wagon), setting up a snack bar with their favorite treats, and watching a movie together are just a few suggestions. Try not to put a large amount of pressure on yourself to fulfill every item on the list. The goal is to make more memories while keeping your pet happy and comfortable.
How can I find closure after my loss?
Closure is a very personal definition. We cannot define that for another person. What we hope for you to find, with time and work around processing your emotions, is that you reach a point where when you’re thinking of your loved happy times, bonding moments, silly stories, and life lessons, with more frequency and ease of recall than you think of the illness progression and any final struggles. Not that those hard parts just disappear but with time the idea of ‘closure’ tends to help sand down the rougher edges and allow us space to find a way to memorialize our loved ones and bring them forward with us into new life chapters. This is where we adjust to an environment without their physical presence but maintain an enduring connection to their special role in our lives.
How can I find closure after my loss?
Closure is a very personal definition. We cannot define that for another person. What we hope for you to find, with time and work around processing your emotions, is that you reach a point where when you’re thinking of your loved happy times, bonding moments, silly stories, and life lessons, with more frequency and ease of recall than you think of the illness progression and any final struggles. Not that those hard parts just disappear but with time the idea of ‘closure’ tends to help sand down the rougher edges and allow us space to find a way to memorialize our loved ones and bring them forward with us into new life chapters. This is where we adjust to an environment without their physical presence but maintain an enduring connection to their special role in our lives.
Is it "normal" to grieve for a pet?
How does the song lyric go? “Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.” Grief is a natural response to the loss of something or someone that is important to us. Whether that’s the death of a loved one, the ending of a partnership, or the loss of a physical item of importance. Grief is rarely black or white. Often grief and the accompanying emotions are wavering in a sea of grey. It’s what we do with the grief and how we process the waves of big emotions, including ones that may not surface, that will make all of the difference.
Is it "normal" to grieve for a pet?
How does the song lyric go? “Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.” Grief is a natural response to the loss of something or someone that is important to us. Whether that’s the death of a loved one, the ending of a partnership, or the loss of a physical item of importance. Grief is rarely black or white. Often grief and the accompanying emotions are wavering in a sea of grey. It’s what we do with the grief and how we process the waves of big emotions, including ones that may not surface, that will make all of the difference.
Is there a specific amount of time where continued grieving is abnormal?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There are healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms. There is no appropriate or inappropriate length of time for processing grief. Grief is a universal emotion. The bereavement journey after a death is unique for each loss we experience. The amount of time, the emotions felt, the symptoms (mental and physical) that we feel, can change based on our bond to the deceased. The relationship with this loved one in life affects the journey our grief processing takes.
Is there a specific amount of time where continued grieving is abnormal?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There are healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms. There is no appropriate or inappropriate length of time for processing grief. Grief is a universal emotion. The bereavement journey after a death is unique for each loss we experience. The amount of time, the emotions felt, the symptoms (mental and physical) that we feel, can change based on our bond to the deceased. The relationship with this loved one in life affects the journey our grief processing takes.
How can family and friends support someone who lost a pet?
What brings comfort to an individual who is grieving will vary based on their personal journey and connection to the deceased. Some generalized ideas to support someone experiencing loss:
What NOT to say or do:
- “It was only a dog/cat.”
- “The shelters are full, go adopt a new pet.”
- Make it all about yourself.
- “It’s not like they were a human.”
- “I cannot believe you took their care as far as you did.”
- “If I can do anything, please reach out.”
The bereaved tend to hear this as well intentioned, but rarely take someone up on this offer since it can feel extremely broad and overwhelming.
Ideas to SUPPORT them:
- Ask “how can I best support you?”
“Do you have a shopping list? I can do your grocery store trip this week.”
“Could I help take care of your other pack members?” E.g. take other dogs for a walk, scoop cat litter.
Offer to listen to stories and look at photos.
Offer to print out their favorite photos. Return in a nice frame.
Offer to plant a rose bush/tree/plant in memory of their loved one.
Give a gift of silence. Sit with them so they aren’t alone.
Make a donation to a charity that resonates with them.
What to say as the griever:
- Consider making a list that you can hand to people who want to help. This way you won’t have to repeat yourself while your energy is already depleted.
- Share any updates with one person you can delegate to fill in the other concerned parties. Again, saving your energy and raw emotions. This can work well for children and their friend group too.
- Parents, support your children by sharing the news of this death with their teacher. Young children tend to show with their behavior that something is off and giving a heads up to the teacher is often beneficial for all.
What brings comfort to an individual who is grieving will vary based on their personal journey and connection to the deceased. Some generalized ideas to support someone experiencing loss:
What NOT to say or do:
- “It was only a dog/cat.”
- “The shelters are full, go adopt a new pet.”
- Make it all about yourself.
- “It’s not like they were a human.”
- “I cannot believe you took their care as far as you did.”
- “If I can do anything, please reach out.”
The bereaved tend to hear this as well intentioned, but rarely take someone up on this offer since it can feel extremely broad and overwhelming.
Ideas to SUPPORT them:
- Ask “how can I best support you?”
- “Do you have a shopping list? I can do your grocery store trip this week.”
- “Could I help take care of your other pack members?” E.g. take other dogs for a walk, scoop cat litter.
- Offer to listen to stories and look at photos.
- Offer to print out their favorite photos. Return in a nice frame.
- Offer to plant a rose bush/tree/plant in memory of their loved one.
- Give a gift of silence. Sit with them so they aren’t alone.
- Make a donation to a charity that resonates with them.
What to say as the griever:
- Consider making a list that you can hand to people who want to help. This way you won’t have to repeat yourself while your energy is already depleted.
- Share any updates with one person you can delegate to fill in the other concerned parties. Again, saving your energy and raw emotions. This can work well for children and their friend group too.
- Parents, support your children by sharing the news of this death with their teacher. Young children tend to show with their behavior that something is off and giving a heads up to the teacher is often beneficial for all.
Does my feeling of guilt mean it was the wrong decision?
Guilt is one of the most common topics our support team members are asked to talk about. If only our beloved companion animals could tell us what their wishes and desires were. Many of us wouldn’t hesitate to do what they wanted. Alas, that is not possible and where some of our guilt stems from. As the human who knows them best the decision-making falls to us to decide what end of life may look like for them. Trying to balance quality with quantity of life is one of the toughest decisions we will ever make.
It is easy to look back in time and judge ourselves harshly. In those moments try reminding yourself that you made the best decisions possible with the best information possible. Find someone who can be supportive to talk about your feelings. If you're not a talker find other ways to work through and acknowledge your emotional experience through these events. Processing emotions tied into guilt is part of the bereavement journey and will help you move from the initial stages of loss into the memorialization phase of loss.
Guilt is one of the most common topics our support team members are asked to talk about. If only our beloved companion animals could tell us what their wishes and desires were. Many of us wouldn’t hesitate to do what they wanted. Alas, that is not possible and where some of our guilt stems from. As the human who knows them best the decision-making falls to us to decide what end of life may look like for them. Trying to balance quality with quantity of life is one of the toughest decisions we will ever make.
It is easy to look back in time and judge ourselves harshly. In those moments try reminding yourself that you made the best decisions possible with the best information possible. Find someone who can be supportive to talk about your feelings. If you're not a talker find other ways to work through and acknowledge your emotional experience through these events. Processing emotions tied into guilt is part of the bereavement journey and will help you move from the initial stages of loss into the memorialization phase of loss.
The EverLoved veterinary team has been apart of euthanasias that include both sudden deaths (during sleep/accident) and deaths with notice (chronic illness, planned euthanasia). What we can share is that one option is not better than another. Both have grief associated with the experience. Both can be hard, challenging, and/or overwhelming. When sudden death occurs one aspect that might be different than a death with notice would be having set plans on what to do with the body. If your family needs resources please feel welcome to reach out to our team at EverLoved. There are more body care options in veterinary medicine than many people realize. Cremation or burial are the two most common; aquamation and taxidermy, to name a few others, are also possible for our pets.
What happens if my pet suddenly passes away?
What are the exact steps of grief?
There are several academic models to outline grief. The most common fallacy is that we can master grief if we follow a set of exact steps, or if our emotions move from one stage to the next in a certain order. This is untrue. The authors of these models never intended for grief to be linear. Grief and the processing of our emotions feels like a dance, we sway from one emotional experience to another and back again, several times over. The goals of grief are to allow ourselves to experience our emotions and to find an enduring connection to the memory and life lessons our loved ones taught to us while they were still living. You can work with a professional to work through your feelings if that feels right. There are no right or wrong ways to grieve, there are healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
The EverLoved veterinary team has been apart of euthanasias that include both sudden deaths (during sleep/accident) and deaths with notice (chronic illness, planned euthanasia). What we can share is that one option is not better than another. Both have grief associated with the experience. Both can be hard, challenging, and/or overwhelming. When sudden death occurs one aspect that might be different than a death with notice would be having set plans on what to do with the body. If your family needs resources please feel welcome to reach out to our team at EverLoved. There are more body care options in veterinary medicine than many people realize. Cremation or burial are the two most common; aquamation and taxidermy, to name a few others, are also possible for our pets.
There are several academic models to outline grief. The most common fallacy is that we can master grief if we follow a set of exact steps, or if our emotions move from one stage to the next in a certain order. This is untrue. The authors of these models never intended for grief to be linear. Grief and the processing of our emotions feels like a dance, we sway from one emotional experience to another and back again, several times over. The goals of grief are to allow ourselves to experience our emotions and to find an enduring connection to the memory and life lessons our loved ones taught to us while they were still living. You can work with a professional to work through your feelings if that feels right. There are no right or wrong ways to grieve, there are healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
What is ‘Disenfranchised grief’?
Have you ever had someone share with you that they weren’t sure who was safe to share with about the loss of their pet? The inability to process our emotions related to death can hamper our progress with grieving.
"Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that’s not openly acknowledged, socially mourned or publicly supported.” Dr. Kenneth Doka, PhD, created term back in 1989. This term can be applied to different losses (divorce and pet death being common examples).
We’ve had many people share with us that they didn’t know who in their immediate circle they could turn to for fear of judgement. Grief and loss resources exist! You are not alone. Please utilize the resources listed HERE.
Have you ever had someone share with you that they weren’t sure who was safe to share with about the loss of their pet? The inability to process our emotions related to death can hamper our progress with grieving.
"Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that’s not openly acknowledged, socially mourned or publicly supported.” Dr. Kenneth Doka, PhD, created term back in 1989. This term can be applied to different losses (divorce and pet death being common examples).
We’ve had many people share with us that they didn’t know who in their immediate circle they could turn to for fear of judgement. Grief and loss resources exist! You are not alone. Please utilize the resources listed HERE.
The loss of this pet is landing harder on me than I let the death of a human relative. What’s wrong with me?
Each relationship in our lives is unique and our response to their death depends on a whole host of factors: what role did they play in our lives, how often did we interact, what masks did we have to wear, what historical life component shadowed those interactions, what other events were co- occurring at the same time influencing the parallel events? The intensity of your grief response will be partially dependent on the role your loved one(s) played in your life and the stressors and environment you find yourself in while processing their death.
Our support team members have heard similar statements throughout their careers in veterinary medicine, often whispered in hushed tones with the request not to tell anyone they said such a thing. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace. Remember that no matter the species, you had a special and strong bond with this living being.
Each relationship in our lives is unique and our response to their death depends on a whole host of factors: what role did they play in our lives, how often did we interact, what masks did we have to wear, what historical life component shadowed those interactions, what other events were co- occurring at the same time influencing the parallel events? The intensity of your grief response will be partially dependent on the role your loved one(s) played in your life and the stressors and environment you find yourself in while processing their death.
Our support team members have heard similar statements throughout their careers in veterinary medicine, often whispered in hushed tones with the request not to tell anyone they said such a thing. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace. Remember that no matter the species, you had a special and strong bond with this living being.
EverLoved Pet Care, LLC
Address: 211 East Main Street #44, Lakeland, FL 33813
Phone:
Email: care@everloved.vet
EverLoved Pet Care, LLC
Address: 211 East Main Street #44, Lakeland, FL 33813
Phone:
Email: care@everloved.vet
